[00:00:00 –> 00:00:02] Hey, Fr. Mark-Mary here.
[00:00:02 –> 00:00:03] I wanted to pause for just a moment
[00:00:03 –> 00:00:05] and thank all of you who helped
[00:00:05 –> 00:00:09] make “The Poco a Poco Podcast” possible through listening,
[00:00:09 –> 00:00:10] through your prayers, through sharing it,
[00:00:10 –> 00:00:11] through spreading the word,
[00:00:11 –> 00:00:15] and in particular this moment through your generosity.
[00:00:15 –> 00:00:17] Every episode we share
[00:00:17 –> 00:00:20] is the fruit of many generous hearts and hands.
[00:00:20 –> 00:00:22] So thank you, everybody.
[00:00:22 –> 00:00:25] So if you feel moved to perhaps join in the mission,
[00:00:25 –> 00:00:28] support the mission by giving a one-time gift,
[00:00:28 –> 00:00:31] or by becoming a monthly donor, we’d be so grateful.
[00:00:31 –> 00:00:35] You can give at spiritjuice.org/pocoapoco
[00:00:35 –> 00:00:37] or through the link in the Show Notes.
[00:00:37 –> 00:00:38] God bless y’all.
[00:00:38 –> 00:00:40] (bright feel-good music)
[00:00:40 –> 00:00:42] You’re listening to “The Poco a Poco Podcast”
[00:00:42 –> 00:00:44] sponsored by Spirit Juice Studios.
[00:00:44 –> 00:00:48] (singer singing in Spanish)
[00:00:48 –> 00:00:50] ♪ And you know that’s who we are ♪
[00:00:50 –> 00:00:51] ♪ We make our way ♪
[00:00:51 –> 00:00:53] Hey, I’m Fr. Mark-Mary.
[00:00:53 –> 00:00:56] ♪ Little by little we learn, a little more each day ♪
[00:00:56 –> 00:00:57] Hey, I’m Fr. PT.
[00:01:00 –> 00:01:02] Hey, everybody, Fr. Innocent here.
[00:01:03 –> 00:01:06] And, you know, we’re doing what we can.
[00:01:06 –> 00:01:09] We’re doing what we can technologically wise.
[00:01:09 –> 00:01:11] Fr. Angelus, you know, again, reached out
[00:01:11 –> 00:01:13] to some of the team we work with to try
[00:01:13 –> 00:01:17] and get a little extra love to figure out what was going on,
[00:01:17 –> 00:01:19] but he does keep going in and out.
[00:01:20 –> 00:01:24] So like I said, we fed him the rock heavy,
[00:01:24 –> 00:01:29] got up his shots in the beginning of last episode.
[00:01:31 –> 00:01:32] But then he got into foul trouble
[00:01:33 –> 00:01:38] and we had to bench him, or something, what happened?
[00:01:38 –> 00:01:39] There was some silly fouls in there.
[00:01:39 –> 00:01:41] I was like, “Come on, bro, what happened?”
[00:01:41 –> 00:01:45] So we got him for one minute and three seconds this game.
[00:01:46 –> 00:01:50] And then we lost him.
[00:01:50 –> 00:01:54] It’s, yeah, I’m sad.
[00:01:54 –> 00:01:55] But I still love the effort.
[00:01:55 –> 00:01:57] Like, hey- – I do appreciate it.
[00:01:57 –> 00:02:00] He’s persevered much more than I would have
[00:02:00 –> 00:02:04] or than I expected.
[00:02:04 –> 00:02:05] Consistency, connection.
[00:02:07 –> 00:02:07] Who knows?
[00:02:07 –> 00:02:09] Yeah. – Not me.
[00:02:10 –> 00:02:13] What I do know is he’s not here again.
[00:02:13 –> 00:02:15] Sad. – And we’re just going
[00:02:15 –> 00:02:19] to have to accept and surrender that, huh?
[00:02:19 –> 00:02:20] We’ll just have to be poor in this place
[00:02:20 –> 00:02:23] with the Lord and one another.
[00:02:23 –> 00:02:25] Yeah, dude. We’re just gonna accept it.
[00:02:26 –> 00:02:29] So here’s a question.
[00:02:29 –> 00:02:31] Here’s what are we gonna talk about today?
[00:02:31 –> 00:02:35] I guess this is actually not like a super small thing,
[00:02:35 –> 00:02:36] but this is an actual question.
[00:02:36 –> 00:02:40] How do you guys deal with email?
[00:02:42 –> 00:02:44] Like, having a healthy relationship with it
[00:02:44 –> 00:02:46] and like not getting stressed out by it?
[00:02:46 –> 00:02:48] Have you guys figured out a way?
[00:02:49 –> 00:02:51] Because it’s just like, they keep coming,
[00:02:51 –> 00:02:52] people keep responding.
[00:02:54 –> 00:02:54] Yeah.
[00:02:56 –> 00:02:58] Well, I’ll answer this, Fr. Innocent.
[00:02:58 –> 00:02:59] And you’re free to give your answer too,
[00:02:59 –> 00:03:03] but I try to get to what I can
[00:03:03 –> 00:03:06] and if I can’t get to it, I don’t.
[00:03:06 –> 00:03:08] Like, I have certain time periods I do it.
[00:03:09 –> 00:03:12] And then, and I think this is true for everyone,
[00:03:12 –> 00:03:14] I’m just trying to think if anybody would’ve emailed
[00:03:14 –> 00:03:15] is listened too, maybe they have,
[00:03:15 –> 00:03:18] but anyway, like sometimes there are certain people,
[00:03:18 –> 00:03:22] it’s like, oh yeah, it’s a quick, easy response, you know?
[00:03:22 –> 00:03:22] Other people it’s like,
[00:03:22 –> 00:03:25] “Oh, like I got to talk about this thing again”
[00:03:25 –> 00:03:26] or like, ugh.
[00:03:26 –> 00:03:28] And then sometimes it’s more involved,
[00:03:28 –> 00:03:30] but I do as much as I can when I have the time
[00:03:30 –> 00:03:32] and then I just leave it when I don’t.
[00:03:32 –> 00:03:36] And sometimes it gets, it’s a number of days
[00:03:36 –> 00:03:38] before I can respond back.
[00:03:38 –> 00:03:42] Sometimes it’s super quick, and so, that’s it.
[00:03:42 –> 00:03:43] I take it as it comes.
[00:03:43 –> 00:03:45] But there’s, I don’t think where I’m at
[00:03:45 –> 00:03:46] in my responsibilities
[00:03:46 –> 00:03:49] that it’s ever gonna stop, at least right now, and so.
[00:03:49 –> 00:03:52] Does it stress you out or you actually feel good about?
[00:03:52 –> 00:03:53] Oh, I feel good about it, yeah.
[00:03:53 –> 00:03:55] I mean, once I’m out this office, I’m out this office.
[00:03:55 –> 00:03:57] I’m out, you know?
[00:03:57 –> 00:03:59] So because I can’t, I can’t,
[00:03:59 –> 00:04:01] because I could honestly sit here all day
[00:04:01 –> 00:04:03] and answer the emails and respond to things,
[00:04:03 –> 00:04:07] but that’s not my life and I’m not gonna do that.
[00:04:07 –> 00:04:09] But your responsibility is a little bit different than mine
[00:04:09 –> 00:04:11] in that space, Fr. Mary.
[00:04:11 –> 00:04:13] So, because, like, you receive the stuff for the community
[00:04:13 –> 00:04:14] and all these different things
[00:04:14 –> 00:04:15] and yeah, you’re working on different projects.
[00:04:15 –> 00:04:16] For now, yeah.
[00:04:18 –> 00:04:19] Yes.
[00:04:21 –> 00:04:22] Like, this is,
[00:04:24 –> 00:04:28] it’s something that, like, I’ve been working on,
[00:04:28 –> 00:04:30] but at the same time, like, I also struggle with
[00:04:30 –> 00:04:35] because yeah, there’s just a lot that comes in
[00:04:36 –> 00:04:38] in the context of even phone calls
[00:04:38 –> 00:04:40] or text messages and emails.
[00:04:41 –> 00:04:43] I’m kind of broadening it
[00:04:43 –> 00:04:46] because, like, I always feel like I’m behind the curve.
[00:04:46 –> 00:04:51] And I always, like with all of us,
[00:04:51 –> 00:04:52] I think we prioritize
[00:04:52 –> 00:04:54] like being in the presence of people, right?
[00:04:54 –> 00:04:56] The present moment and there’s a lot happening.
[00:04:56 –> 00:04:58] And so, like, I don’t have a ton of time
[00:04:58 –> 00:05:00] to sit down and catch up on email.
[00:05:00 –> 00:05:03] And when I do, I feel just like I do feel overwhelmed.
[00:05:03 –> 00:05:05] Like, I’m trying to figure out,
[00:05:05 –> 00:05:07] like, what do I need to respond to?
[00:05:07 –> 00:05:10] And obviously, like, there’s priorities to all of that.
[00:05:10 –> 00:05:13] And I just feel it when,
[00:05:15 –> 00:05:19] if I can’t email someone back for a while or things,
[00:05:19 –> 00:05:23] I feel it when people kind of get upset
[00:05:23 –> 00:05:25] or when they’re like,
[00:05:25 –> 00:05:28] “Oh, I like, you haven’t emailed me back
[00:05:28 –> 00:05:29] or text me back or called me back.”
[00:05:29 –> 00:05:33] And so, I just feel that when, I’m doing my best,
[00:05:33 –> 00:05:36] but then also I don’t, I always feel like I’m behind
[00:05:36 –> 00:05:37] and so, I don’t want to hurt people
[00:05:37 –> 00:05:41] or communicate something by my inability or my limitations.
[00:05:41 –> 00:05:44] So it’s just hard for, it’s hard for me
[00:05:44 –> 00:05:48] because I feel like I don’t,
[00:05:50 –> 00:05:52] I’m learning and trying to develop
[00:05:52 –> 00:05:54] some like good habits administratively,
[00:05:54 –> 00:05:56] but it doesn’t, I’d rather just be out with people
[00:05:56 –> 00:05:59] or like, so it’s something I’m trying to learn,
[00:05:59 –> 00:06:00] if that makes sense.
[00:06:03 –> 00:06:04] Are you good at,
[00:06:06 –> 00:06:08] I don’t know if this happens with you guys,
[00:06:09 –> 00:06:13] like, when a request comes in,
[00:06:13 –> 00:06:16] could be from out of the community or within,
[00:06:16 –> 00:06:19] I think you probably have less freedom from within.
[00:06:19 –> 00:06:20] Maybe we all do, but it’s like,
[00:06:20 –> 00:06:23] “Hey, can we schedule like a 30-minute chat real quick?
[00:06:23 –> 00:06:26] Or can I just get like an hour with you real quick?”
[00:06:26 –> 00:06:29] Or something like that.
[00:06:29 –> 00:06:34] And you may just not have it or be able to like,
[00:06:34 –> 00:06:37] it’s like, just with other priorities and responsibilities,
[00:06:37 –> 00:06:41] like, I just, I really shouldn’t.
[00:06:44 –> 00:06:46] Do you guys have a,
[00:06:47 –> 00:06:50] do you guys say, “I can’t do that right now”?
[00:06:50 –> 00:06:51] Like, do you guys have a way of answering that
[00:06:51 –> 00:06:53] or what do you,
[00:06:53 –> 00:06:55] I’m sure it kind of depends on who it is, but.
[00:06:56 –> 00:06:58] Yeah, for the brothers,
[00:06:58 –> 00:07:00] it’s always let me figure out a time.
[00:07:00 –> 00:07:04] Yeah, ’cause, and the space is different for me, right?
[00:07:04 –> 00:07:06] ‘Cause it depends.
[00:07:06 –> 00:07:08] It just depends why they’re reaching out.
[00:07:09 –> 00:07:13] But then other people where I might not have the space,
[00:07:13 –> 00:07:16] I’ll just tell them, “Sorry, I can’t.”
[00:07:16 –> 00:07:18] And I don’t have like a stock answer,
[00:07:18 –> 00:07:19] it depends on the person.
[00:07:19 –> 00:07:22] More recently, I’ve been saying just like,
[00:07:22 –> 00:07:23] due to a lot of other things happening,
[00:07:23 –> 00:07:25] like the community’s asking me to do, I can’t,
[00:07:25 –> 00:07:27] like, I just have to not prioritize
[00:07:27 –> 00:07:29] because that makes them feel like they’re not a priority,
[00:07:29 –> 00:07:31] I mean, even though it’s true that they’re not prioritized,
[00:07:31 –> 00:07:31] but, like, it’s like one those things
[00:07:31 –> 00:07:34] where like just my life is just different right now
[00:07:34 –> 00:07:35] and I don’t have as much space
[00:07:35 –> 00:07:37] for these things as I did before.
[00:07:37 –> 00:07:39] And so…
[00:07:39 –> 00:07:41] Yeah. And this, I hope I’m not too honest here,
[00:07:41 –> 00:07:45] but like, a couple things,
[00:07:48 –> 00:07:50] like, spontaneous things are really difficult for me
[00:07:50 –> 00:07:52] because like planning well,
[00:07:52 –> 00:07:54] at least like in a week, right?
[00:07:54 –> 00:07:57] And I try to plan out, but like spontaneous,
[00:07:57 –> 00:08:01] like, if a brother says, “Hey, you know, like,
[00:08:01 –> 00:08:03] do you have any time today?
[00:08:03 –> 00:08:05] I need to talk to you about something really important.”
[00:08:05 –> 00:08:06] And I’m like, “Hey, bro,”
[00:08:06 –> 00:08:09] like, especially like if we’re in the day already,
[00:08:09 –> 00:08:10] like, my day is filled
[00:08:10 –> 00:08:13] and because again, we’re scheduling
[00:08:13 –> 00:08:14] and we’re margining in time for prayer,
[00:08:14 –> 00:08:17] we’re margining time that are stuff
[00:08:17 –> 00:08:19] that’s like most important.
[00:08:19 –> 00:08:20] And we’re like trying to be faithful
[00:08:20 –> 00:08:23] to our responsibilities.
[00:08:23 –> 00:08:25] And so, I struggle with spontaneity
[00:08:25 –> 00:08:28] because, again, sometimes there’s not a lot of flex
[00:08:28 –> 00:08:30] or margin in the day.
[00:08:30 –> 00:08:33] And so, I can get, sometimes I feel frustrated
[00:08:33 –> 00:08:35] that if someone’s like expectation,
[00:08:35 –> 00:08:37] I feel the expectation burden like, “Hey, I need you.”
[00:08:37 –> 00:08:39] I’m like, “Well, it’s hard
[00:08:39 –> 00:08:42] because I don’t have space for that.”
[00:08:42 –> 00:08:46] But there’s like two or three people that trump all of that.
[00:08:46 –> 00:08:51] So, like, as with a lot of other, like, maybe all of us,
[00:08:51 –> 00:08:53] like, there’s a small list of people
[00:08:53 –> 00:08:56] that can be like, “Hey, I need to talk to you.”
[00:08:56 –> 00:08:57] But if you’re not on that list,
[00:08:57 –> 00:09:00] then I have to say, “Hey, like, can we schedule out?”
[00:09:01 –> 00:09:04] Because it’s usually, like, in the moment
[00:09:04 –> 00:09:06] or in the day it’s already planned.
[00:09:06 –> 00:09:11] And then, like, just being a superior for seven years,
[00:09:13 –> 00:09:16] I find leadership lonely in that context
[00:09:16 –> 00:09:19] because you’re trying to take care of a lot of people
[00:09:19 –> 00:09:21] and a lot of people are kind of grasping
[00:09:21 –> 00:09:22] at your time and attention,
[00:09:22 –> 00:09:26] which in one way the gift of fatherhood is so beautiful
[00:09:26 –> 00:09:28] and I want to be available.
[00:09:28 –> 00:09:29] But it’s lonely, right?
[00:09:29 –> 00:09:33] And I felt that, like, I’m doing my best,
[00:09:33 –> 00:09:34] but you kind of feel like you’re never,
[00:09:34 –> 00:09:36] like, you’re always behind the curve,
[00:09:36 –> 00:09:37] you’re not good enough
[00:09:37 –> 00:09:39] because people need and need and need,
[00:09:39 –> 00:09:42] especially maybe even on the outside of the friary,
[00:09:42 –> 00:09:43] people don’t understand.
[00:09:43 –> 00:09:44] And so, they’re calling, like,
[00:09:44 –> 00:09:45] “Hey, why don’t you call me back?”
[00:09:45 –> 00:09:48] Or I’m like, “Ah, I’m sorry, I’m doing my best.”
[00:09:48 –> 00:09:50] Like so, I just, I feel that.
[00:09:50 –> 00:09:52] That’s like a big cross for me
[00:09:53 –> 00:09:54] when you’re trying to pull yourself out
[00:09:54 –> 00:09:55] in the present moment
[00:09:55 –> 00:09:57] and you feel misunderstood
[00:09:57 –> 00:10:00] or not seen or people are wanting a lot.
[00:10:00 –> 00:10:04] And so, then that would make me,
[00:10:05 –> 00:10:10] I guess I would feel hurt or just misunderstood.
[00:10:10 –> 00:10:12] So I felt that to be kind of challenging and lonely
[00:10:12 –> 00:10:14] because you’re just doing your best,
[00:10:14 –> 00:10:19] but you seem to be always kind of behind in that context.
[00:10:19 –> 00:10:20] I think maybe,
[00:10:20 –> 00:10:23] I don’t know if that makes sense, but that seems meaningful.
[00:10:24 –> 00:10:25] Yeah.
[00:10:25 –> 00:10:26] And I appreciate where this is going
[00:10:26 –> 00:10:29] and I’m gonna kind of stick with it if it’s possible.
[00:10:31 –> 00:10:36] But I was, I found a YouTube episode which names the name
[00:10:37 –> 00:10:41] and says why this person stopped using email.
[00:10:41 –> 00:10:43] I haven’t listened to the actual episode,
[00:10:43 –> 00:10:46] so I’m not gonna, like, say the specifics.
[00:10:46 –> 00:10:51] But somebody did, I learned about it in person
[00:10:51 –> 00:10:53] and they said that this person kind of just recognized,
[00:10:53 –> 00:10:57] you know, it’s at least in part is, again,
[00:10:57 –> 00:10:58] so I don’t want to,
[00:10:58 –> 00:11:00] I haven’t listened to the full answer,
[00:11:00 –> 00:11:01] so I’m not trying to say this is the answer.
[00:11:01 –> 00:11:03] But like, there is a little bit of, like,
[00:11:03 –> 00:11:08] like a disparity of, what’s the word?
[00:11:09 –> 00:11:11] I don’t know, because someone can just send you an email
[00:11:11 –> 00:11:13] that took them five minutes to write
[00:11:13 –> 00:11:16] and, you know, now is like a burden for you to carry.
[00:11:16 –> 00:11:18] And it could be like to respond well is, you know,
[00:11:18 –> 00:11:20] like 45 minutes or it’s an hour,
[00:11:20 –> 00:11:22] or it’s whatever this whole thing is, right?
[00:11:23 –> 00:11:25] And I think there’s something to that.
[00:11:25 –> 00:11:26] But the balance is this, right?
[00:11:26 –> 00:11:31] Is like, in a variety of our roles,
[00:11:31 –> 00:11:32] you guys particularly,
[00:11:32 –> 00:11:34] I would say as general council members,
[00:11:34 –> 00:11:38] mine as somebody who is kind of serving the community
[00:11:38 –> 00:11:40] and like some of this digital porter,
[00:11:40 –> 00:11:42] what I call digital portering,
[00:11:42 –> 00:11:44] just sort of like having a sense of what’s going on.
[00:11:47 –> 00:11:48] There is like, there is a part of, like,
[00:11:48 –> 00:11:52] this being an aspect of like our pastoring
[00:11:52 –> 00:11:54] or spiritual fatherhood.
[00:11:54 –> 00:11:58] And there’s a reality that like, whatever,
[00:11:58 –> 00:12:00] a father towards his kids,
[00:12:00 –> 00:12:01] like, there is a way
[00:12:01 –> 00:12:04] in which they they can kind of make demands on your time
[00:12:06 –> 00:12:08] and you’re kind of vulnerable to that
[00:12:08 –> 00:12:10] and kind of it’s appropriate for you
[00:12:10 –> 00:12:11] to be vulnerable to that
[00:12:11 –> 00:12:13] and not have like a lot of control over it.
[00:12:14 –> 00:12:17] But also, like, so there’s a way
[00:12:17 –> 00:12:18] in which I have to like recognize this
[00:12:18 –> 00:12:21] and like, okay, this is the service that I provide.
[00:12:21 –> 00:12:23] This is the service that we provide.
[00:12:24 –> 00:12:25] This person,
[00:12:25 –> 00:12:28] like, I’m here to provide this service to this person.
[00:12:28 –> 00:12:30] This is part of my vocation.
[00:12:30 –> 00:12:32] They’re taking me up on it.
[00:12:32 –> 00:12:34] They totally have a right to do so.
[00:12:34 –> 00:12:36] With also balancing, particularly I think
[00:12:36 –> 00:12:39] just because of the modern age of like,
[00:12:40 –> 00:12:43] how prevalent people’s access to us are,
[00:12:43 –> 00:12:46] or to email are, to texts are, it’s like,
[00:12:46 –> 00:12:51] and us balancing other sort of commitments
[00:12:51 –> 00:12:54] and responsibilities, particularly in some ways
[00:12:54 –> 00:12:56] being superiors or walking with guys.
[00:12:57 –> 00:13:01] There’s a reality of, like, we can’t do it all perfectly
[00:13:01 –> 00:13:03] and we can’t do it all perfectly all the time.
[00:13:03 –> 00:13:08] And kind of living in the poverty of being asked to do more
[00:13:12 –> 00:13:14] than we can actually do it the way we want to do it,
[00:13:14 –> 00:13:16] which then, you know, like,
[00:13:18 –> 00:13:20] I’m sure there’s some like healthy ways
[00:13:20 –> 00:13:21] to try and avoid that,
[00:13:21 –> 00:13:23] but also just I think there’s a reality.
[00:13:23 –> 00:13:25] Like, we try our best to not hurt people,
[00:13:25 –> 00:13:28] but it’s gonna happen and that doesn’t feel good.
[00:13:28 –> 00:13:32] And some of the language, I’ve kind of been discerning
[00:13:32 –> 00:13:35] or kind of noticing in a few like areas
[00:13:35 –> 00:13:37] is like, kind of being the good guy
[00:13:37 –> 00:13:39] until you become the bad guy.
[00:13:39 –> 00:13:42] Meaning it’s like, “Okay, I’m gonna be generous.
[00:13:42 –> 00:13:42] I’m gonna say to this.”
[00:13:42 –> 00:13:46] But then, like, people are gonna kind of more, more, more
[00:13:46 –> 00:13:47] until finally you got to be like,
[00:13:47 –> 00:13:49] either I’m gonna drop something I shouldn’t have dropped
[00:13:49 –> 00:13:50] or I’m gonna have to say no,
[00:13:50 –> 00:13:54] I didn’t want to have to make, and disappoint somebody.
[00:13:54 –> 00:13:56] I don’t know, like, yeah,
[00:13:56 –> 00:13:58] like, what do you guys think about,
[00:13:58 –> 00:14:00] I know I threw a lot out there, but a variety of that stuff.
[00:14:03 –> 00:14:05] I’ll go, I’ll go, okay, I got you.
[00:14:06 –> 00:14:06] I’m not gonna cop out,
[00:14:06 –> 00:14:09] but I’m gonna use the same word I used last episode
[00:14:09 –> 00:14:12] is that this is often where I feel really poor as well.
[00:14:12 –> 00:14:15] Like, I just, to step into the poverty
[00:14:15 –> 00:14:19] and be like, “Hey, my heart is all in.
[00:14:19 –> 00:14:20] I feel like I long to be generous.
[00:14:20 –> 00:14:24] I really long to be a good father and a good shepherd.”
[00:14:24 –> 00:14:28] But I’m a limited man and I will disappoint people
[00:14:28 –> 00:14:30] and I have, and that’s super painful.
[00:14:32 –> 00:14:37] And this is kind of hard for me to admit anyway,
[00:14:37 –> 00:14:41] but I think it’s okay as a father to have needs,
[00:14:41 –> 00:14:44] meaning that, like, it’s okay to name, like,
[00:14:44 –> 00:14:46] okay, like, I’ve been going all day.
[00:14:47 –> 00:14:49] And I got to go to holy hour,
[00:14:49 –> 00:14:50] but then someone emails me and say,
[00:14:50 –> 00:14:52] “Hey, can you like,” I haven’t…
[00:14:53 –> 00:14:55] they want your time and attention.
[00:14:55 –> 00:14:56] And to be like, “You know what?
[00:14:56 –> 00:14:58] I actually, I need a little margin
[00:14:58 –> 00:14:59] to just go for a walk before holy hour.”
[00:14:59 –> 00:15:00] It’s okay to have needs.
[00:15:00 –> 00:15:02] Like, I can say that.
[00:15:02 –> 00:15:05] But I’ve been kind of at war with my needs for a long time.
[00:15:05 –> 00:15:06] So I’m just learning how to like,
[00:15:06 –> 00:15:09] it’s okay that we state those and step into those.
[00:15:11 –> 00:15:12] Yeah, so I’m just,
[00:15:12 –> 00:15:15] it’s okay to hold that space of poverty as well.
[00:15:15 –> 00:15:17] Like, in a new season in my life right now,
[00:15:17 –> 00:15:20] I’m just, I know that I’m limited.
[00:15:20 –> 00:15:21] I’m not a superhero.
[00:15:21 –> 00:15:23] And so, to step into those places
[00:15:23 –> 00:15:26] and to beg for forgiveness, to beg for mercy,
[00:15:26 –> 00:15:29] and just ask for people’s, like to ask for grace.
[00:15:29 –> 00:15:32] Like, “Hey, can I just have some grace right now?
[00:15:32 –> 00:15:34] Like, I’m just really far behind
[00:15:34 –> 00:15:35] and I’m just feeling a lot of my poverty.
[00:15:35 –> 00:15:39] So can you just like, can you just,
[00:15:39 –> 00:15:41] can I email you back or call you back in a while
[00:15:41 –> 00:15:43] because I just need some space or some grace?”
[00:15:43 –> 00:15:47] So I just feel like stating that poverty
[00:15:47 –> 00:15:50] and stepping into it could just help
[00:15:50 –> 00:15:52] that we don’t have to do it all perfectly
[00:15:52 –> 00:15:54] or get our schedules perfect,
[00:15:55 –> 00:15:58] but just to not be afraid of our limitations as well.
[00:16:00 –> 00:16:01] Yeah.
[00:16:04 –> 00:16:07] So, often, I hope this doesn’t sound crazy,
[00:16:07 –> 00:16:09] but like, you know, the principle,
[00:16:09 –> 00:16:10] like, somebody else’s emergency
[00:16:10 –> 00:16:12] is not your emergency type of thing?
[00:16:12 –> 00:16:14] And I know, like, pastorally,
[00:16:14 –> 00:16:15] it’s different because we’re priests.
[00:16:15 –> 00:16:18] But also, I kind of take that in the sense of
[00:16:19 –> 00:16:23] I want to show up as authentically whole
[00:16:23 –> 00:16:26] and like there for the person.
[00:16:26 –> 00:16:29] And so, like, for example, if I just don’t have time,
[00:16:29 –> 00:16:31] the conversation’s not gonna be,
[00:16:31 –> 00:16:32] I’m not gonna be able to receive the person
[00:16:32 –> 00:16:33] like, in a good way.
[00:16:35 –> 00:16:37] And so, like, I try to discern in the moment like,
[00:16:37 –> 00:16:39] “Hey, can we do this at another time?
[00:16:39 –> 00:16:42] Can we talk tomorrow when I have more space for this?”
[00:16:43 –> 00:16:45] Or like because yeah, maybe I’m about to like take a break
[00:16:45 –> 00:16:48] after I’ve been in a meeting for six hours
[00:16:48 –> 00:16:51] and hearing about like what’s going on in your, like, heart,
[00:16:51 –> 00:16:53] like, I want to treat it with reverence.
[00:16:53 –> 00:16:55] And so, I don’t think like using that seventh hour,
[00:16:55 –> 00:16:57] like, right before holy hour, whatever it is,
[00:16:57 –> 00:17:01] is like the best honoring of the person’s space,
[00:17:01 –> 00:17:01] like, of their heart,
[00:17:01 –> 00:17:03] but also to like just the kindest thing for myself.
[00:17:03 –> 00:17:07] And so, I think sometimes, yeah, just saying,
[00:17:07 –> 00:17:08] “Hey, I’m gonna take a step back from this
[00:17:08 –> 00:17:10] and I’ll get to you as soon as I can.”
[00:17:11 –> 00:17:14] Yeah, it’s good for both ourselves and the person.
[00:17:14 –> 00:17:17] And I think people sometimes
[00:17:17 –> 00:17:20] just can be hurt by that, you know, like,
[00:17:20 –> 00:17:21] “Oh wow, like Father hasn’t gotten back to me
[00:17:21 –> 00:17:23] in a little bit of time.”
[00:17:23 –> 00:17:25] And I think, like, we’ve said this,
[00:17:25 –> 00:17:27] but it’s not like we all intentionally say like,
[00:17:27 –> 00:17:29] “I’m gonna not respond back to this person
[00:17:29 –> 00:17:30] because I hate them.”
[00:17:30 –> 00:17:31] You know, that’s what it feels like.
[00:17:31 –> 00:17:33] Or like, “I just don’t want to walk with you in this space
[00:17:33 –> 00:17:34] because you’re too much for me.”
[00:17:34 –> 00:17:37] Like, none of us I think have ever though that.
[00:17:37 –> 00:17:40] And do apologize if that, like, what comes off
[00:17:40 –> 00:17:41] as far as how you’re receiving it,
[00:17:41 –> 00:17:43] but that’s just not the truth of our hearts,
[00:17:43 –> 00:17:46] and especially as fathers and spiritual fathers in this way.
[00:17:46 –> 00:17:48] And so, show that,
[00:17:48 –> 00:17:50] but it is, I think, important just for us,
[00:17:50 –> 00:17:52] I think anybody, just where, like,
[00:17:52 –> 00:17:54] what’s the best thing for the person?
[00:17:54 –> 00:17:55] What’s the best thing for myself right now?
[00:17:55 –> 00:17:57] Am I in an emotional space to receive this person?
[00:17:57 –> 00:18:00] And do I just need to like do this at a different time?
[00:18:01 –> 00:18:04] And yeah, it’s just recognizing your own needs
[00:18:04 –> 00:18:05] and recognizing sometimes
[00:18:05 –> 00:18:10] that maybe, like, the fire is not actually a fire right now
[00:18:10 –> 00:18:12] and it could wait for a little bit of time
[00:18:12 –> 00:18:13] before you respond back to it.
[00:18:13 –> 00:18:17] And so, yeah, those are just my thoughts on that.
[00:18:19 –> 00:18:20] Thank you.
[00:18:20 –> 00:18:22] Fr. Innocent, you look like you had some deep thoughts
[00:18:22 –> 00:18:24] or was that not, was I misinterpreting?
[00:18:26 –> 00:18:30] No, I was just thankful for Fr. PT’s honesty
[00:18:30 –> 00:18:33] because it gives, like, it’s like,
[00:18:33 –> 00:18:36] yeah, it just, it’s good to be strong
[00:18:36 –> 00:18:38] and to set good boundaries and to communicate well.
[00:18:38 –> 00:18:41] And so, like, again, yeah, I know.
[00:18:41 –> 00:18:42] Anyway, I just appreciate all this
[00:18:42 –> 00:18:44] because I don’t think it’s easy.
[00:18:44 –> 00:18:47] But it’s so good for us to step into these places,
[00:18:47 –> 00:18:50] especially as fathers and people who are busy
[00:18:52 –> 00:18:54] and want to really love well.
[00:18:54 –> 00:18:56] Anyway, I’m just, I was more just saying that,
[00:18:56 –> 00:18:58] I was just more thinking that, like,
[00:18:58 –> 00:19:01] I think this is really good and I don’t,
[00:19:01 –> 00:19:02] it just gives us permission
[00:19:02 –> 00:19:04] to kind of like step into the place.
[00:19:04 –> 00:19:05] That’s all.
[00:19:07 –> 00:19:09] And I guess, you know, to,
[00:19:11 –> 00:19:13] I think there’s more to this conversation,
[00:19:13 –> 00:19:16] it’s more helpful than I maybe anticipated.
[00:19:16 –> 00:19:18] And so, I think we’re gonna stay in this.
[00:19:18 –> 00:19:20] But what I want to be sensitive to
[00:19:20 –> 00:19:25] is this might be an episode that’s like,
[00:19:25 –> 00:19:26] you guys have to remember,
[00:19:28 –> 00:19:31] we don’t really get to spend time together, you know?
[00:19:33 –> 00:19:34] Remember when we did?
[00:19:34 –> 00:19:36] Remember we, like, at least Fr Mark-Mary and I
[00:19:36 –> 00:19:39] and Ange lived together and we, anyway.
[00:19:39 –> 00:19:41] Yeah, we had our moments.
[00:19:43 –> 00:19:48] And so, this might slightly be an episode that is for us.
[00:19:49 –> 00:19:52] (laughs) And you guys used to get to look in.
[00:19:52 –> 00:19:56] But like, I don’t want it to be like a woe is me.
[00:19:58 –> 00:20:00] I’m so important, I’m so in demand,
[00:20:00 –> 00:20:03] I’m so popular, I’m so busy.
[00:20:06 –> 00:20:11] And now, whatever, I hurt people’s feelings because of it.
[00:20:12 –> 00:20:16] But like, I think because like, so I don’t know.
[00:20:16 –> 00:20:17] I don’t want it to be that
[00:20:17 –> 00:20:19] even though there might be some here
[00:20:19 –> 00:20:21] of like sharing in a way which is like,
[00:20:21 –> 00:20:23] “Oh yeah, yeah, I experienced that too.
[00:20:23 –> 00:20:25] It’s helpful to know that I’m not alone
[00:20:25 –> 00:20:27] in a lot of this stuff.”
[00:20:30 –> 00:20:31] But if there was like, I think part of the,
[00:20:31 –> 00:20:36] like, if there was a class I could teach
[00:20:37 –> 00:20:41] like, internally that I think I could do,
[00:20:41 –> 00:20:42] but it’s like hard,
[00:20:42 –> 00:20:44] would be like taking care of leadership.
[00:20:45 –> 00:20:47] And it’s a funny thing
[00:20:47 –> 00:20:48] because it’s a hard thing, I think.
[00:20:48 –> 00:20:49] And I don’t know how you guys,
[00:20:49 –> 00:20:52] you guys are probably a lot better at it than I am.
[00:20:52 –> 00:20:57] But it’s hard to form the guys that you’re leading
[00:20:59 –> 00:21:04] in ways that are helpful for taking care of you
[00:21:04 –> 00:21:08] who is like pastoring them or leading them in some way.
[00:21:08 –> 00:21:09] Like, sometimes that’s just like, you know,
[00:21:09 –> 00:21:13] that’s like, it’s just hard, you know?
[00:21:13 –> 00:21:15] Where, you know, like Father kind of,
[00:21:15 –> 00:21:17] PT kind of talked about like, “Hey,”
[00:21:20 –> 00:21:22] I don’t know, like, maybe this is the language I would use,
[00:21:22 –> 00:21:24] but you talk about like, they’re like,
[00:21:24 –> 00:21:26] “Hey, you can’t just be bringing to me
[00:21:26 –> 00:21:27] like everything is an emergency.”
[00:21:27 –> 00:21:30] Like, hey, like we need to, you know,
[00:21:30 –> 00:21:32] like I do think like, hey, if something is happening
[00:21:32 –> 00:21:34] right now that’s like an emergency
[00:21:34 –> 00:21:36] or has like intense urgency,
[00:21:36 –> 00:21:39] like, something’s got to have,
[00:21:39 –> 00:21:42] like, something’s gone wrong, you know?
[00:21:42 –> 00:21:43] And maybe there wasn’t,
[00:21:43 –> 00:21:44] maybe something really did go wrong.
[00:21:44 –> 00:21:45] Maybe there was a car accident.
[00:21:45 –> 00:21:46] Maybe there was something like that.
[00:21:46 –> 00:21:49] So this is an emergency.
[00:21:49 –> 00:21:50] But if the emergency is like,
[00:21:50 –> 00:21:53] “Oh, hey, I forgot to bring this up
[00:21:53 –> 00:21:55] and now I’ve like made a commitment
[00:21:55 –> 00:21:56] and I didn’t ask you about it
[00:21:56 –> 00:22:01] and so now I need you to give me permission to go
[00:22:01 –> 00:22:04] and to help out with this youth retreat or whatever.”
[00:22:04 –> 00:22:05] And it’s like, “Well, we don’t have cars.
[00:22:05 –> 00:22:06] We don’t have this.”
[00:22:06 –> 00:22:11] Like, this, we need to avoid this, you know?
[00:22:12 –> 00:22:14] Or whatever, I’m gonna be gone for, you know,
[00:22:14 –> 00:22:17] a couple months and here’s these things that I forgot to do,
[00:22:17 –> 00:22:19] but they have to get done.
[00:22:19 –> 00:22:22] Now it’s like on you, the leader to like do it.
[00:22:22 –> 00:22:22] And it’s like, Well, okay, no,
[00:22:22 –> 00:22:26] that’s like how are we, like, what do we do with that?”
[00:22:26 –> 00:22:27] You know?
[00:22:29 –> 00:22:33] So I don’t know. Fr. PT, what are you thinking?
[00:22:33 –> 00:22:34] Yeah.
[00:22:34 –> 00:22:37] Now you’re getting, you’re starting to stoke a fire in me
[00:22:37 –> 00:22:42] because like that, like, what you just named is just,
[00:22:42 –> 00:22:44] I really hate that.
[00:22:44 –> 00:22:45] I use the word intentionally.
[00:22:45 –> 00:22:48] ‘Cause like, yeah, and I think parents can,
[00:22:48 –> 00:22:52] like, I think is something like parents do this too.
[00:22:52 –> 00:22:54] Like gosh, like, with their kids,
[00:22:54 –> 00:22:55] they want to teach them responsibility
[00:22:55 –> 00:22:58] and especially like when you’re in leadership to help others
[00:22:58 –> 00:23:00] to figure out how to take care of leadership
[00:23:00 –> 00:23:03] or like just making responsible decisions,
[00:23:03 –> 00:23:04] responsible choices.
[00:23:05 –> 00:23:06] Like, one time my brother asked me about something
[00:23:06 –> 00:23:08] and I said no.
[00:23:08 –> 00:23:11] And then he wanted me to communicate to the people
[00:23:11 –> 00:23:13] because like he made a commitment before asking me
[00:23:13 –> 00:23:14] and he wanted me to communicate to the people
[00:23:14 –> 00:23:16] that I said no.
[00:23:17 –> 00:23:18] And I said, “No, that’s your responsibility
[00:23:18 –> 00:23:20] because you stepped out of line and you asked me before,
[00:23:20 –> 00:23:22] you made this claim before asking me.”
[00:23:22 –> 00:23:24] And he was like, “Seriously?”
[00:23:24 –> 00:23:26] It’s like, yeah, I mean like, so having,
[00:23:26 –> 00:23:28] like, teaching people to take responsibility that way,
[00:23:28 –> 00:23:31] but it’s just, I’m trying to sound
[00:23:31 –> 00:23:32] not like a little kid here,
[00:23:32 –> 00:23:35] but, like, that stuff just sounds crazy to me
[00:23:35 –> 00:23:39] where, like, people expect the leaders
[00:23:39 –> 00:23:40] to take care of their stuff,
[00:23:40 –> 00:23:41] and it’s just irresponsible.
[00:23:41 –> 00:23:44] And I think sometimes it’s a tough lesson for guys to learn
[00:23:44 –> 00:23:45] and for people to learn,
[00:23:45 –> 00:23:47] but it’s helpful that you’re just gonna have
[00:23:47 –> 00:23:49] to, like, clean up the mess you made.
[00:23:49 –> 00:23:52] Like, you take responsibility for it.
[00:23:53 –> 00:23:55] Yeah, and there’s just, I mean, times in my own life,
[00:23:55 –> 00:23:57] like, as a kid growing up, or as an adult,
[00:23:57 –> 00:23:58] like you just realize,
[00:23:58 –> 00:24:01] you feel that like, “Gosh, I screwed up on this.”
[00:24:01 –> 00:24:03] And you know what?
[00:24:03 –> 00:24:04] I don’t want to be in this place again
[00:24:04 –> 00:24:05] so I wanna make sure
[00:24:05 –> 00:24:07] that I take care of what I need to take care of
[00:24:07 –> 00:24:08] so that this doesn’t happen again.
[00:24:08 –> 00:24:11] As far as like double booking,
[00:24:11 –> 00:24:12] or like different things like that.
[00:24:12 –> 00:24:15] But I think it’s like going back
[00:24:15 –> 00:24:18] to the emergency stuff where like,
[00:24:18 –> 00:24:19] and we experience this too
[00:24:19 –> 00:24:22] where there’s some people who are just needy
[00:24:22 –> 00:24:24] and not like in a negative way,
[00:24:24 –> 00:24:26] but like they need clarifications on things,
[00:24:26 –> 00:24:27] and like over-clarifications
[00:24:27 –> 00:24:32] or they need to things to be simplified
[00:24:32 –> 00:24:35] and you’ve kind of explained things as much as you could.
[00:24:35 –> 00:24:38] And so, like, when I receive something from somebody
[00:24:38 –> 00:24:40] who I know is in that space of,
[00:24:40 –> 00:24:42] “Oh, like, hey, I want to ask you this question
[00:24:42 –> 00:24:44] about like six months out,”
[00:24:44 –> 00:24:46] and yeah, you know, you don’t even have the capacity
[00:24:46 –> 00:24:48] to think about six months out from now.
[00:24:48 –> 00:24:49] It just helps me to think about like,
[00:24:49 –> 00:24:51] okay, this is like his need
[00:24:51 –> 00:24:55] and like it’s not actual, it’s not an actual thing
[00:24:55 –> 00:24:57] of needing to answer the question right now,
[00:24:57 –> 00:24:59] but I was like, “Hey, can I give you some space
[00:24:59 –> 00:25:01] to think about this before I respond back to you?”
[00:25:01 –> 00:25:03] And so Mark-Mary, Fr. Mary stepped away
[00:25:03 –> 00:25:04] for a little bit of time just because, you know,
[00:25:04 –> 00:25:08] but just to say I was just cue in on the conversation.
[00:25:08 –> 00:25:10] Sometimes, just like with people
[00:25:10 –> 00:25:12] just recognizing their own needs.
[00:25:12 –> 00:25:14] If it’s like a desire for knowledge and stuff like that,
[00:25:14 –> 00:25:16] just like, “Hey, just give me a little bit of space
[00:25:16 –> 00:25:17] to think about this before I get back to you.”
[00:25:17 –> 00:25:19] And even just like that simple response
[00:25:19 –> 00:25:20] lets them know that you’re thinking about it,
[00:25:20 –> 00:25:22] even if it’s like a week or two.
[00:25:23 –> 00:25:24] So that way it’s not like falling off the cliff,
[00:25:24 –> 00:25:26] and sometimes it’s just like having
[00:25:26 –> 00:25:29] those helpful things of tools of,
[00:25:29 –> 00:25:32] “Hey, can you give me a day
[00:25:32 –> 00:25:34] or can you give me some space to respond,
[00:25:34 –> 00:25:35] to pray about it?”
[00:25:35 –> 00:25:38] Because nobody ever, I think in my experiences,
[00:25:38 –> 00:25:39] has ever gotten upset when I said,
[00:25:39 –> 00:25:42] “Hey, can I pray about this?”
[00:25:42 –> 00:25:43] You know?
[00:25:43 –> 00:25:45] And I think it’s a super helpful thing
[00:25:45 –> 00:25:47] of like creating a buffer,
[00:25:47 –> 00:25:50] but also like bringing the Lord into the situation.
[00:25:50 –> 00:25:52] And yeah, it gives you the space to respond back,
[00:25:52 –> 00:25:53] but also to let the person know
[00:25:53 –> 00:25:54] you’re taking them seriously.
[00:25:54 –> 00:25:58] But like, practically, it gives you space to like assess
[00:25:58 –> 00:26:00] and like not feel like you have to,
[00:26:00 –> 00:26:02] like the guns to your head, you have to answer right now.
[00:26:02 –> 00:26:04] Otherwise, like, it’s all over.
[00:26:04 –> 00:26:05] Yeah.
[00:26:05 –> 00:26:08] And Fr. Mark Mary, I think it’s something,
[00:26:08 –> 00:26:11] also PT, I think you both have this gift,
[00:26:11 –> 00:26:13] but it’s something living with Fr. Mark-Mary
[00:26:13 –> 00:26:16] and talking about these things, caring for leadership.
[00:26:16 –> 00:26:18] I think you guys are both really good
[00:26:18 –> 00:26:23] at like relational dynamics.
[00:26:23 –> 00:26:24] That’s the word that’s coming to mind.
[00:26:24 –> 00:26:28] Like, how relationships work, how communication works.
[00:26:29 –> 00:26:31] And I just think that’s really important.
[00:26:31 –> 00:26:34] And I don’t know if as a, I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong,
[00:26:34 –> 00:26:37] but I feel like that’s really important
[00:26:37 –> 00:26:39] and I don’t know in certain circles
[00:26:39 –> 00:26:42] if we talk about the dynamics a lot.
[00:26:42 –> 00:26:44] And so, I think sometimes we just,
[00:26:44 –> 00:26:45] maybe even in our community, like,
[00:26:45 –> 00:26:47] “Oh, leaders are leaders.
[00:26:47 –> 00:26:49] Like, they just do what they do,” right?
[00:26:49 –> 00:26:50] But we don’t often talk
[00:26:50 –> 00:26:53] about like the dynamics of leadership, communication,
[00:26:53 –> 00:26:55] how to care, how the leader cares for others
[00:26:55 –> 00:26:58] and how we can care for our leaders.
[00:26:58 –> 00:27:01] And communication, conflict,
[00:27:02 –> 00:27:05] I just think it’s just all so important,
[00:27:05 –> 00:27:08] and you both have a gift to do that well.
[00:27:08 –> 00:27:13] And Fr. Mark-Mary, living with you when I was your leader,
[00:27:13 –> 00:27:18] like you, it just meant a lot
[00:27:18 –> 00:27:21] that someone was actually seeing through, like,
[00:27:21 –> 00:27:24] just the daily grind of leadership
[00:27:24 –> 00:27:27] and actually seeing the person.
[00:27:27 –> 00:27:29] And I think that’s really important
[00:27:29 –> 00:27:31] is that we’re actually saying, like,
[00:27:31 –> 00:27:35] that leaders or fathers or mothers, they’re actually,
[00:27:35 –> 00:27:38] they’re like real people and they have real hearts
[00:27:38 –> 00:27:42] and real needs and real limitations and weaknesses.
[00:27:43 –> 00:27:47] And there’s actually something going on inside of them
[00:27:47 –> 00:27:49] as we’re like living, right?
[00:27:49 –> 00:27:51] And so, I just think of,
[00:27:51 –> 00:27:54] I was visiting my sister recently, and again,
[00:27:54 –> 00:27:55] just being with the kids,
[00:27:57 –> 00:27:59] but then also when the kids went to bed,
[00:27:59 –> 00:28:01] now I get to talk to my sister
[00:28:01 –> 00:28:04] and she’s like, “Man, I’m just, I’m like struggling.”
[00:28:05 –> 00:28:06] And you wouldn’t,
[00:28:06 –> 00:28:09] you maybe wouldn’t have known that in the moment
[00:28:09 –> 00:28:11] because she had, there’s so much need and demand
[00:28:11 –> 00:28:14] placed on her and she just rocks it.
[00:28:14 –> 00:28:17] But when all is said and done
[00:28:17 –> 00:28:20] and she’s like in a safe space,
[00:28:21 –> 00:28:23] she’s being vulnerable about her heart
[00:28:23 –> 00:28:24] and there’s like,
[00:28:24 –> 00:28:26] there’s something real happening in her
[00:28:27 –> 00:28:29] that is just crying out to be seen
[00:28:29 –> 00:28:30] even in the midst of the craziness,
[00:28:30 –> 00:28:33] and leading or being a mom and dad or in that context.
[00:28:33 –> 00:28:37] So I just appreciate
[00:28:37 –> 00:28:39] that there’s a lot happening in these circumstances
[00:28:39 –> 00:28:41] and to be able to name it well
[00:28:41 –> 00:28:43] and kind of just to hold it out
[00:28:43 –> 00:28:48] as something really important I think is meaningful.
[00:28:51 –> 00:28:52] Yeah, I appreciate that, guys.
[00:28:52 –> 00:28:57] And I just got hit by a leaf blower.
[00:28:59 –> 00:29:00] Outside your window.
[00:29:00 –> 00:29:02] Yeah, I had go and try to close my windows.
[00:29:04 –> 00:29:07] But and I think we’re on the same page this.
[00:29:07 –> 00:29:10] Like, you know, it was funny back a couple years ago,
[00:29:10 –> 00:29:11] something was happening
[00:29:11 –> 00:29:15] where somebody got really mad at the pastor
[00:29:15 –> 00:29:16] because he kind of dropped the ball
[00:29:16 –> 00:29:18] and doing one thing he’s supposed to do.
[00:29:18 –> 00:29:21] And I remember kind of interiorizing like, “Poor guy.”
[00:29:21 –> 00:29:23] And then talking to a friend of ours who was like,
[00:29:23 –> 00:29:25] “Well, he should have never, I mean,
[00:29:25 –> 00:29:27] he should have never said that he was going to do that.
[00:29:27 –> 00:29:29] He should have never taken that responsibility on himself.”
[00:29:29 –> 00:29:32] Like, kind of, it was funny because it was kind of like,
[00:29:32 –> 00:29:34] “Well, that was his fault.”
[00:29:35 –> 00:29:36] And there is like a lot to that too.
[00:29:36 –> 00:29:40] Like, I think trying to be a good leader
[00:29:40 –> 00:29:44] also means trying to have good forms of communication
[00:29:44 –> 00:29:48] and good systems which set you up for success
[00:29:48 –> 00:29:52] as much as possible to help serve people,
[00:29:52 –> 00:29:54] to help with communication,
[00:29:54 –> 00:29:56] to help things not get dropped,
[00:29:57 –> 00:29:58] to help have well-defined
[00:29:58 –> 00:30:01] sort of like expectations with your guys
[00:30:01 –> 00:30:03] when you can be available or not.
[00:30:03 –> 00:30:08] So that’s certainly on us as well.
[00:30:08 –> 00:30:10] And I think there is, you know, this is part of the service
[00:30:10 –> 00:30:13] that’s provided that we, I think, feel called to.
[00:30:14 –> 00:30:15] But I certainly have this experience
[00:30:15 –> 00:30:19] where, through discernment, you know,
[00:30:19 –> 00:30:21] meaning, like, I’ve just been asked,
[00:30:21 –> 00:30:22] like, I think we all have,
[00:30:22 –> 00:30:24] we’ve been asked just to do a lot
[00:30:24 –> 00:30:26] and there’s a lot of sort of,
[00:30:26 –> 00:30:29] there’s a lot of hopes, maybe demands,
[00:30:29 –> 00:30:34] maybe dreams that involve us in different areas of life
[00:30:37 –> 00:30:40] that aren’t more than we should have taken on,
[00:30:40 –> 00:30:42] but just are part of living in a limited world
[00:30:42 –> 00:30:44] with limited resources.
[00:30:44 –> 00:30:48] And I don’t know, I just, you know,
[00:30:48 –> 00:30:50] like, I feel this is,
[00:30:50 –> 00:30:52] and it may not be a bad thing
[00:30:52 –> 00:30:54] going back to the thing with your sisters.
[00:30:54 –> 00:30:57] Like, this would be an area I feel very poor
[00:30:57 –> 00:31:00] because, you know, most of my life
[00:31:00 –> 00:31:03] I have tried to do things well
[00:31:03 –> 00:31:05] and set myself up for doing things well
[00:31:05 –> 00:31:08] and made a lot of intentional choices
[00:31:08 –> 00:31:10] to focus on things so that I could do them well.
[00:31:13 –> 00:31:14] And to have it be something
[00:31:14 –> 00:31:16] that, like, makes people feel encouraged
[00:31:16 –> 00:31:19] and makes people feel like I’m competent.
[00:31:21 –> 00:31:22] But I think I’ve been invited by the Lord
[00:31:22 –> 00:31:25] into like kind of like doing my best
[00:31:25 –> 00:31:28] and being, you know, as generous as possible.
[00:31:29 –> 00:31:32] Even like so, I’m like, so the ship’s not sinking,
[00:31:32 –> 00:31:35] but like, you know, maybe, you know,
[00:31:35 –> 00:31:39] like the food’s pretty cold when it gets served
[00:31:39 –> 00:31:41] and like the bathrooms haven’t totally been cleaned,
[00:31:41 –> 00:31:46] like recent enough and, you know,
[00:31:46 –> 00:31:50] maybe it’s like I’m not always around
[00:31:50 –> 00:31:54] to hang out with everybody during hangout time.
[00:31:56 –> 00:31:57] But anyway, so there’s important, like, I just,
[00:31:57 –> 00:31:59] a lot of the life experience is like,
[00:31:59 –> 00:32:01] man, there’s a lot of people
[00:32:01 –> 00:32:04] or a lot of, like, plates that I’m spinning,
[00:32:04 –> 00:32:07] jobs that I’m like helping out with,
[00:32:07 –> 00:32:09] and I don’t feel like I’m doing any of them well.
[00:32:09 –> 00:32:13] And I feel like pretty much across the board,
[00:32:13 –> 00:32:16] almost everybody who I’m like working with or serving
[00:32:16 –> 00:32:19] is in some way slightly disappointed
[00:32:19 –> 00:32:21] with the service that I’m able to provide.
[00:32:22 –> 00:32:24] And I think parents probably experience that a lot.
[00:32:24 –> 00:32:27] You’re trying to be a good parent,
[00:32:27 –> 00:32:29] and you’re trying to take care of yourself,
[00:32:29 –> 00:32:31] and you’re trying to like raise the kids,
[00:32:31 –> 00:32:32] and you’re trying to be a good part of the church.
[00:32:32 –> 00:32:35] And it’s just like, “Man, I just can’t do it all.”
[00:32:35 –> 00:32:36] But, like, I don’t know
[00:32:36 –> 00:32:40] that this is actually opposed to God’s plan for it.
[00:32:40 –> 00:32:41] And I think this is, like,
[00:32:41 –> 00:32:45] some of our experience of like priestly fatherhood
[00:32:45 –> 00:32:46] of being to a place of like,
[00:32:46 –> 00:32:50] “Man, I’m not really loving my kids the way I want.
[00:32:50 –> 00:32:52] I’m not really doing these things the way I wish.
[00:32:53 –> 00:32:55] But I am kind of like doing my best
[00:32:56 –> 00:33:00] and trying to be sincere,”
[00:33:00 –> 00:33:04] but to quote Fr. Innocent, “I am a limited man.”
[00:33:05 –> 00:33:06] And so, Lord, I kind of just have to, like,
[00:33:06 –> 00:33:08] make this poor offering to You.
[00:33:11 –> 00:33:12] And I don’t know, like, does that, I don’t know how much,
[00:33:12 –> 00:33:14] if any of that resonates.
[00:33:14 –> 00:33:18] Yes, 100%. – 1,000%, bro.
[00:33:18 –> 00:33:20] It’s kind of my thing of, like,
[00:33:20 –> 00:33:22] I just would love to do one thing.
[00:33:22 –> 00:33:25] Like, just, hey, if it’s local servant, great.
[00:33:25 –> 00:33:26] If it’s council member, great.
[00:33:26 –> 00:33:27] If it’s TP director, great.
[00:33:27 –> 00:33:29] If it’s like, whatever it is, like, cool.
[00:33:29 –> 00:33:30] Let me just do that one thing.
[00:33:32 –> 00:33:34] But I’ve found like it’s, I think it’s a both/and.
[00:33:35 –> 00:33:36] Like Fr. Mark-Mary talking about, like,
[00:33:36 –> 00:33:38] as part of God’s just plan for us.
[00:33:38 –> 00:33:41] And so, like, the moment I feel stressed,
[00:33:41 –> 00:33:43] the moment I feel poor, the moments I feel like,
[00:33:43 –> 00:33:45] “Gosh, I just don’t think I can do one more thing,”
[00:33:45 –> 00:33:47] somehow something else gets put on the plate.
[00:33:47 –> 00:33:49] Somehow, like, there’s another ask of me.
[00:33:49 –> 00:33:52] Somehow, like, “Oh, there is another thing I can do.”
[00:33:52 –> 00:33:55] And I’m just like, “Lord, like, what’s going on here?”
[00:33:55 –> 00:33:58] But I think that’s just His way of stretching my capacity
[00:33:58 –> 00:34:01] and seeing that you actually can do a lot more with me
[00:34:01 –> 00:34:03] as opposed to, like, you doing it by yourself.
[00:34:03 –> 00:34:07] And the actual, the reality is like, yeah, like, you know,
[00:34:07 –> 00:34:09] I’d love to spend more time with the guys at the house
[00:34:09 –> 00:34:11] or I’d love to just plug into different things.
[00:34:11 –> 00:34:14] I just can’t because of these different things.
[00:34:14 –> 00:34:17] But because the capacity is stretched, and my poverty,
[00:34:17 –> 00:34:20] my inability to do the things that I want to do,
[00:34:20 –> 00:34:21] and saying yes to what the Lord wants me to do,
[00:34:21 –> 00:34:24] like, and things just somehow seem to work out,
[00:34:24 –> 00:34:26] which is beyond me.
[00:34:26 –> 00:34:30] And it’s not like because I am, yeah, whatever it is.
[00:34:30 –> 00:34:32] Like, I’m just present to all these things.
[00:34:32 –> 00:34:34] But I think also it’s like a way
[00:34:34 –> 00:34:35] in which the Lord can show like,
[00:34:35 –> 00:34:38] “Hey, I can do these things through You if You let me.”
[00:34:38 –> 00:34:40] And, there’s another thought that escaped me.
[00:34:40 –> 00:34:43] But, oh yeah, but it necessitates
[00:34:43 –> 00:34:45] also like me just prioritizing
[00:34:45 –> 00:34:47] and like, okay, I have to say no to these other things now.
[00:34:47 –> 00:34:49] So, like, every yes necessitates like 1,000 nos oftentimes.
[00:34:49 –> 00:34:54] And it just helps to bring into more focus and more clarity.
[00:34:54 –> 00:34:57] Like, if this is an actual responsibility and a priority,
[00:34:57 –> 00:34:58] then I have to like say no.
[00:34:58 –> 00:35:02] And that’s just tough where sometimes it’s things
[00:35:02 –> 00:35:03] like I actually enjoyed doing
[00:35:03 –> 00:35:04] and like it was like a fun thing,
[00:35:04 –> 00:35:07] but I don’t have the space for that anymore.
[00:35:07 –> 00:35:09] But I don’t think it’s all lost in the Lord.
[00:35:09 –> 00:35:11] I don’t think it’s lost on like other people too.
[00:35:11 –> 00:35:12] And the beautiful thing I think
[00:35:12 –> 00:35:14] that I try to encourage the guys in my house
[00:35:14 –> 00:35:16] is like to, hey,
[00:35:16 –> 00:35:17] know that like I’m not doing this on purpose.
[00:35:17 –> 00:35:19] Know that I’m not like, hey,
[00:35:19 –> 00:35:20] I just don’t want to be fraternal with y’all.
[00:35:20 –> 00:35:22] But there’s just other responsibilities
[00:35:22 –> 00:35:24] and things that I have to take care of
[00:35:24 –> 00:35:25] that hopefully you’ll see in the future
[00:35:25 –> 00:35:27] or hopefully like you’ll understand.
[00:35:27 –> 00:35:29] But just to know that, like, my heart
[00:35:29 –> 00:35:31] isn’t just to walk out on you and be an absent father,
[00:35:31 –> 00:35:34] but like I have to do other things too.
[00:35:34 –> 00:35:36] And the guys are good
[00:35:36 –> 00:35:39] and they do grant grace and understanding.
[00:35:39 –> 00:35:41] And it’s beautiful to even see sometimes like,
[00:35:41 –> 00:35:43] “Hey, Father, I have like, I have free time.
[00:35:43 –> 00:35:45] Can I help you with something?”
[00:35:45 –> 00:35:46] But then also, like, I have to,
[00:35:47 –> 00:35:49] it’s like, I feel like that’s another project
[00:35:49 –> 00:35:51] for me to think about, like, what you can help me with.
[00:35:51 –> 00:35:53] It’s like if you see a need, can you just say,
[00:35:53 –> 00:35:55] “Hey, Father, can I take care of this for you?”
[00:35:55 –> 00:35:56] ‘Cause then that takes like one less step.
[00:35:56 –> 00:35:58] And like, oh, actually that’s help, and so, anyway,
[00:35:58 –> 00:36:00] so it’s like you were talking about, Fr. Mark-Mary,
[00:36:00 –> 00:36:01] is just like how to help take care of leaders.
[00:36:01 –> 00:36:03] And it’s like, I think that’s a part of it,
[00:36:03 –> 00:36:04] just like naming a need and seeing, “Father,
[00:36:04 –> 00:36:06] would it be helpful if I did this for you?”
[00:36:06 –> 00:36:07] As opposed to like,
[00:36:07 –> 00:36:11] “Hey, is there anything I can help you with?”
[00:36:11 –> 00:36:12] But finally, just going back to parents,
[00:36:12 –> 00:36:14] I think parents also feel this way too
[00:36:14 –> 00:36:18] where yeah, like, maybe when you’re first married,
[00:36:18 –> 00:36:20] or like not even just parents, but anybody in general,
[00:36:20 –> 00:36:22] like when you first take on something big,
[00:36:22 –> 00:36:23] like, out of college,
[00:36:23 –> 00:36:25] you’re like, “Gosh, I don’t know if I could do this.”
[00:36:25 –> 00:36:26] And then you see your capacities growing like,
[00:36:26 –> 00:36:27] “Oh, I can do this.”
[00:36:27 –> 00:36:29] And then like something else is added on at work
[00:36:29 –> 00:36:30] and you’re like, “Oh no, like I have these two things now”
[00:36:30 –> 00:36:32] and your capacity’s grown.
[00:36:32 –> 00:36:33] And like, what’s the invitation there
[00:36:33 –> 00:36:35] for the Lord in you with you?
[00:36:35 –> 00:36:37] And like, is He asking you to grow in this way?
[00:36:37 –> 00:36:38] Maybe to sermon like, actually, no,
[00:36:38 –> 00:36:40] I’m at my capacity right now.
[00:36:41 –> 00:36:42] So to bring it to prayer, but also to like,
[00:36:42 –> 00:36:45] I think like families with kids like,
[00:36:45 –> 00:36:46] wow, like one kid is a lot.
[00:36:46 –> 00:36:49] Two kids is a lot, having twins is a lot.
[00:36:49 –> 00:36:51] And then, you know, next thing you know, it’s like, wow.
[00:36:51 –> 00:36:52] You look back on your earlier years
[00:36:52 –> 00:36:53] when you were first married
[00:36:53 –> 00:36:54] and it’s just you and your husband,
[00:36:54 –> 00:36:55] and like you’re working through
[00:36:55 –> 00:36:57] the relational dynamics of that,
[00:36:57 –> 00:37:00] and now you have like five or six kids.
[00:37:01 –> 00:37:02] Yeah, and it’s just like,
[00:37:02 –> 00:37:04] okay, like the Lord has done something here.
[00:37:04 –> 00:37:08] So I think being stretched is hurtful, difficult, but good,
[00:37:08 –> 00:37:09] and we just learn more about ourselves
[00:37:09 –> 00:37:11] and what to say yes and no to.
[00:37:11 –> 00:37:14] And just learn how to invite people
[00:37:14 –> 00:37:16] into helping us carry that burden sometimes,
[00:37:16 –> 00:37:16] which is helpful.
[00:37:17 –> 00:37:19] Yeah.
[00:37:19 –> 00:37:21] And just there’s two thoughts
[00:37:21 –> 00:37:23] as maybe my last thoughts here,
[00:37:23 –> 00:37:27] but yeah,
[00:37:28 –> 00:37:32] one thing that was like a medicine
[00:37:32 –> 00:37:35] in this context of feeling the burden of leadership
[00:37:35 –> 00:37:40] was knowing that, like, again, there’s so much grace
[00:37:40 –> 00:37:44] and so much desire and beauty in it, right?
[00:37:44 –> 00:37:46] So we’re talking about the struggles,
[00:37:46 –> 00:37:50] but there’s such a gift in it all and a grace in it all.
[00:37:50 –> 00:37:53] But there is, like, one of the medicines
[00:37:53 –> 00:37:57] is having a few people that you know
[00:37:57 –> 00:38:00] understand you and see you, right?
[00:38:00 –> 00:38:03] Because again, it might not come like as you desire it
[00:38:03 –> 00:38:07] or you might feel the struggle a lot in leadership
[00:38:07 –> 00:38:09] or motherhood or fatherhood,
[00:38:09 –> 00:38:12] but to know that you could call someone or be with someone
[00:38:12 –> 00:38:14] and if you guys and Fr. Angelus
[00:38:14 –> 00:38:16] and maybe one other person
[00:38:17 –> 00:38:19] would be like a small group for me
[00:38:19 –> 00:38:21] that I know are always gonna see me
[00:38:21 –> 00:38:23] or know that they’re gonna celebrate me
[00:38:23 –> 00:38:27] or when I’m down, like you guys,
[00:38:27 –> 00:38:30] you guys have a way of helping me
[00:38:30 –> 00:38:31] kind of pull me out of myself,
[00:38:31 –> 00:38:33] which is good and remind me who I am.
[00:38:33 –> 00:38:35] So I think we need those people in our life,
[00:38:35 –> 00:38:38] especially when we have to give and give and give.
[00:38:38 –> 00:38:40] We need the team.
[00:38:40 –> 00:38:43] We need the team Mark-Mary, who’s gonna be like,
[00:38:43 –> 00:38:45] okay, these people I know are safe for me
[00:38:45 –> 00:38:47] that are not gonna like,
[00:38:47 –> 00:38:50] that are not gonna like take from me,
[00:38:50 –> 00:38:50] but they’re gonna be like,
[00:38:50 –> 00:38:53] “Oh, he needs just to be cared for and seen.”
[00:38:54 –> 00:38:55] You know, yeah, I think you know what I’m saying.
[00:38:55 –> 00:38:58] I think that team’s really important
[00:38:58 –> 00:38:59] in the context of what do leaders need?
[00:38:59 –> 00:39:01] They need that little team,
[00:39:01 –> 00:39:02] people are just going to love them
[00:39:02 –> 00:39:07] and life could be easy for them in those relationships.
[00:39:07 –> 00:39:12] And also, like, I don’t think Jesus Himself
[00:39:12 –> 00:39:14] was immune to these types of struggles
[00:39:14 –> 00:39:17] of being misunderstood, or not being seen,
[00:39:17 –> 00:39:18] or really having to give Himself
[00:39:18 –> 00:39:20] when people didn’t understand.
[00:39:20 –> 00:39:22] So sometimes that’s comforting for me
[00:39:22 –> 00:39:27] that Jesus was also, was obviously a leader.
[00:39:30 –> 00:39:33] And He had to navigate these things as well.
[00:39:33 –> 00:39:34] Like, “Oh man, they don’t understand me.”
[00:39:34 –> 00:39:37] Or, “Oh, they’re like focused on the wrong things
[00:39:37 –> 00:39:39] and they’re grasping and they don’t,” you know.
[00:39:39 –> 00:39:40] He felt all that.
[00:39:42 –> 00:39:43] He just felt it all deeply.
[00:39:43 –> 00:39:47] So just to share our hearts with Him about it,
[00:39:47 –> 00:39:49] when we’re in those spaces,
[00:39:49 –> 00:39:51] Jesus knows how to hold all that.
[00:39:51 –> 00:39:53] And He just stayed with His Father
[00:39:53 –> 00:39:58] and stayed kind of in the place of communion.
[00:39:58 –> 00:40:01] And, again, drastically oversimplifying,
[00:40:01 –> 00:40:04] but I do think Jesus is a really safe place to go
[00:40:04 –> 00:40:07] because He wasn’t immune to these things.
[00:40:07 –> 00:40:09] So especially in the misunderstanding, or the rejection,
[00:40:09 –> 00:40:11] or does anybody see me?
[00:40:11 –> 00:40:14] I think He felt all of that in Himself.
[00:40:14 –> 00:40:16] And so to me, that’s comforting
[00:40:16 –> 00:40:18] because I’m like, “Lord, like, I’m just feeling this,”
[00:40:18 –> 00:40:20] and I can just be with Him in it.
[00:40:21 –> 00:40:25] Yeah, and for sure, like, it’s come to mind where people,
[00:40:26 –> 00:40:27] the crowd surrounded Him, right?
[00:40:27 –> 00:40:30] And He like, you know, didn’t have enough time to eat
[00:40:30 –> 00:40:31] or whatever the…
[00:40:31 –> 00:40:33] And I think it happens more than once.
[00:40:33 –> 00:40:35] Like, this is certainly a reality-
[00:40:35 –> 00:40:36] For sure. – That Jesus experienced.
[00:40:39 –> 00:40:40] And yeah.
[00:40:42 –> 00:40:45] You know, I think, I appreciate, again,
[00:40:45 –> 00:40:46] the audience allowing this.
[00:40:46 –> 00:40:47] I think there’s like,
[00:40:47 –> 00:40:50] there’s been like a very intentional hope in my own life
[00:40:50 –> 00:40:53] of, like, for just like, you know,
[00:40:53 –> 00:40:55] having, like, there was some perceived space
[00:40:55 –> 00:40:59] in really trying my best to like protect it.
[00:40:59 –> 00:41:00] And then the thing happens
[00:41:00 –> 00:41:02] where it’s like another request comes in,
[00:41:02 –> 00:41:03] another thing, another thing.
[00:41:03 –> 00:41:06] And it’s just like, and you just like,
[00:41:06 –> 00:41:08] it’s just like falling through your hands.
[00:41:08 –> 00:41:09] And it’s just, you know,
[00:41:12 –> 00:41:14] it’s just kind of hard sometimes, I guess.
[00:41:15 –> 00:41:17] And so, it’s helpful to just talk with some other people
[00:41:17 –> 00:41:19] who kind of get it.
[00:41:19 –> 00:41:23] And I think part of the, like, I think, like,
[00:41:23 –> 00:41:26] it’s not the workload,
[00:41:26 –> 00:41:30] it’s not the sort of being leaned on that for me,
[00:41:30 –> 00:41:35] I think it’s just kind of like a pretty consistent
[00:41:36 –> 00:41:40] disappointing of people, I think, is just like tough
[00:41:40 –> 00:41:43] or trying to how to navigate some of that stuff.
[00:41:45 –> 00:41:46] You know?
[00:41:47 –> 00:41:49] But it’s good to, I don’t know,
[00:41:49 –> 00:41:51] it’s good because I think this is, again,
[00:41:51 –> 00:41:53] my hope is that this also relates
[00:41:53 –> 00:41:56] to some of your own experiences of maybe bosses,
[00:41:56 –> 00:42:00] or of pastors, or of parents.
[00:42:01 –> 00:42:04] But the people who are there to serve you every now and then
[00:42:04 –> 00:42:06] can use some encouragement as well.
[00:42:06 –> 00:42:10] So I think just kind of keeping an eye out for,
[00:42:10 –> 00:42:12] again, your servants, your leaders, your pastors,
[00:42:14 –> 00:42:18] and being willing to encourage them where you can.
[00:42:20 –> 00:42:21] But I don’t know, dude,
[00:42:21 –> 00:42:22] I don’t know if this is the right image,
[00:42:22 –> 00:42:24] but it feels like, you know,
[00:42:24 –> 00:42:26] we’ve been blessed with big families
[00:42:27 –> 00:42:31] and that’s, in a sense of like we’ve just been given,
[00:42:31 –> 00:42:33] you know, a lot to steward and to care for.
[00:42:33 –> 00:42:37] And it’s like, you know,
[00:42:37 –> 00:42:39] we’re not sure if we had,
[00:42:39 –> 00:42:43] if, you know, you had one healthy kid and that was it,
[00:42:43 –> 00:42:46] like, okay, like, and that’s all you wanted, you know?
[00:42:46 –> 00:42:48] And some things would be easier.
[00:42:48 –> 00:42:51] But I do think that in the stretchedness
[00:42:51 –> 00:42:52] and in the givenness
[00:42:52 –> 00:42:57] and in the, yeah, the beloved, you know,
[00:42:58 –> 00:43:02] even the belovedness or like,
[00:43:02 –> 00:43:04] it’s like there’s a richness
[00:43:04 –> 00:43:07] and that this is a little bit of an abundance of life
[00:43:07 –> 00:43:11] and a little bit of the beauty of a vocation
[00:43:11 –> 00:43:12] that we’re trying to live
[00:43:12 –> 00:43:16] while I think trying to live generously,
[00:43:16 –> 00:43:19] being stretched, being poor,
[00:43:19 –> 00:43:23] and just kind of making that a bit of a messy offering
[00:43:23 –> 00:43:26] to the Lord and trusting that He receives it.
[00:43:29 –> 00:43:33] So because, like, and I guess I want to make sure,
[00:43:33 –> 00:43:35] because it’s like, you know, no one takes my life from me.
[00:43:35 –> 00:43:36] I like lay it down freely.
[00:43:36 –> 00:43:37] Like, this is my body given for you.
[00:43:37 –> 00:43:40] Like, we’ve all freely chosen this
[00:43:40 –> 00:43:42] and I think if we wanted to start saying
[00:43:42 –> 00:43:43] some like hard nos, we could.
[00:43:45 –> 00:43:46] And so, I think we’re great.
[00:43:46 –> 00:43:48] We’re all happy to be able to serve,
[00:43:48 –> 00:43:51] like, you know, a parent who could be happy for their kids,
[00:43:51 –> 00:43:52] but also just have some moments
[00:43:52 –> 00:43:54] where it’s like, “Man, this is a lot.”
[00:43:56 –> 00:44:01] So yeah, what do you guys, what are you thinking?
[00:44:04 –> 00:44:07] Yes. (laughs) Yeah.
[00:44:07 –> 00:44:12] And yeah, I think it’s a good experience.
[00:44:13 –> 00:44:16] It doesn’t feel good, but it’s a good thing
[00:44:16 –> 00:44:20] that we feel our limitedness, if that’s a word.
[00:44:21 –> 00:44:25] It’s good because it just draws us back to the place like,
[00:44:25 –> 00:44:27] “Lord, I can’t do this.”
[00:44:27 –> 00:44:30] Both in the space of priesthood, parenting,
[00:44:30 –> 00:44:32] like, we just can’t.
[00:44:32 –> 00:44:35] And begging and asking for the grace
[00:44:35 –> 00:44:37] and asking for clarity on what needs to fall away,
[00:44:37 –> 00:44:41] what’s most important, yeah, it’s just helpful.
[00:44:41 –> 00:44:43] And I think it’s good that we’ve run
[00:44:43 –> 00:44:48] into our limited way of seeing things,
[00:44:48 –> 00:44:50] doing things in our capacity.
[00:44:51 –> 00:44:52] Because like, can you imagine if you’re good at everything
[00:44:52 –> 00:44:55] and like, can do everything like equally well?
[00:44:55 –> 00:44:57] Like, that’s just crazy.
[00:44:57 –> 00:44:58] That’s not, I don’t think that person exists.
[00:44:58 –> 00:45:01] And, like, there are people who function on a high level,
[00:45:01 –> 00:45:06] but still, there is something that they just can’t do well
[00:45:06 –> 00:45:08] or they, you know, like, there’s only,
[00:45:08 –> 00:45:10] we’re limited at the end of the day.
[00:45:10 –> 00:45:11] Like, the person can’t be infinitely well,
[00:45:11 –> 00:45:13] do everything infinitely good.
[00:45:13 –> 00:45:15] So yeah, so it’s good
[00:45:15 –> 00:45:16] because then it just necessitates us
[00:45:16 –> 00:45:18] going back to the source,
[00:45:18 –> 00:45:22] back to the one who can provide for us in these spaces.
[00:45:22 –> 00:45:24] And I think it also too just, it just allows us the freedom
[00:45:24 –> 00:45:27] to know that it’s not all up to us.
[00:45:27 –> 00:45:29] Like, oftentimes, I don’t know if this is saying too much
[00:45:29 –> 00:45:30] about my prayer here,
[00:45:30 –> 00:45:33] but like, whenever I’m just like overrun with stuff,
[00:45:33 –> 00:45:35] I’m like, “Lord, You’re the one who put me here,
[00:45:35 –> 00:45:37] so You got to figure this stuff out, buddy,
[00:45:37 –> 00:45:38] because I can’t.”
[00:45:38 –> 00:45:40] Like, if it’s brothers or like coming to me with stuff like,
[00:45:40 –> 00:45:41] “Jesus, I didn’t ask for this.
[00:45:41 –> 00:45:44] Like, You’re the one who like allowed me to be in this space
[00:45:44 –> 00:45:45] and so, can You help me with this?”
[00:45:45 –> 00:45:49] And so, just even being honest with the Lord in that space
[00:45:49 –> 00:45:51] I think He appreciates, but more than appreciates,
[00:45:51 –> 00:45:53] like wants to like walk with you
[00:45:53 –> 00:45:54] and work with you in that space.
[00:45:54 –> 00:45:56] And so, yeah, if you’re feeling overwhelmed
[00:45:56 –> 00:45:59] by the amount of stuff that you have, just like,
[00:45:59 –> 00:46:01] “Lord, hey, like, You’ve gifted me with this marriage,
[00:46:01 –> 00:46:02] You’ve gifted me with this job,
[00:46:02 –> 00:46:04] You gifted me with this responsibility,”
[00:46:04 –> 00:46:07] or like, “I didn’t ask for these particular things
[00:46:07 –> 00:46:08] and You gifted them to me,
[00:46:08 –> 00:46:10] so just, can You help me be a good steward of that,
[00:46:10 –> 00:46:13] but like help me like work through this interiorly
[00:46:13 –> 00:46:15] by sending me,” like Fr. Innocent was talking about,
[00:46:15 –> 00:46:17] “like a good friend or somebody
[00:46:17 –> 00:46:19] to verbally process these things with
[00:46:19 –> 00:46:20] because it’s a part of it too.”
[00:46:20 –> 00:46:24] You have to be able to, yeah, to speak these things out loud
[00:46:25 –> 00:46:27] as opposed to carrying them
[00:46:27 –> 00:46:29] because then it makes, like, it puts flesh on them
[00:46:29 –> 00:46:30] what we’re experiencing and suffering with.
[00:46:30 –> 00:46:33] And so, those are my thoughts on that.
[00:46:35 –> 00:46:37] Yeah, bro, I don’t know if I have any new thoughts,
[00:46:37 –> 00:46:38] I’m just grateful that I think it’s a good space
[00:46:38 –> 00:46:40] to talk about it here.
[00:46:41 –> 00:46:44] Yeah, so I think hopefully this blesses people,
[00:46:44 –> 00:46:46] but I think we don’t have to be afraid
[00:46:46 –> 00:46:48] of our humanity in these places
[00:46:48 –> 00:46:53] and yeah, to hold this space with you guys is a gift,
[00:46:53 –> 00:46:55] but also I just hope it gives people freedom
[00:46:55 –> 00:46:57] to talk about it
[00:46:57 –> 00:46:59] and to know these things are okay to talk about.
[00:46:59 –> 00:47:00] It’s okay to have needs.
[00:47:00 –> 00:47:03] It’s okay to feel overwhelmed,
[00:47:03 –> 00:47:06] but also I think there’s just a really beautiful,
[00:47:06 –> 00:47:09] holy and healthy way to navigate these things.
[00:47:10 –> 00:47:13] But I do think we just shouldn’t be afraid
[00:47:13 –> 00:47:15] to name stuff well and just be poor
[00:47:15 –> 00:47:17] and be like, okay, like, it’s okay we feel this way.
[00:47:17 –> 00:47:20] It’s okay that we’re limited.
[00:47:20 –> 00:47:22] And so, anyway, just to talk about it
[00:47:22 –> 00:47:24] and to hopefully give people insight
[00:47:24 –> 00:47:26] that we have to deal with these,
[00:47:26 –> 00:47:28] we have to deal with these dynamics
[00:47:28 –> 00:47:30] and poverties on a daily basis
[00:47:30 –> 00:47:33] and hopefully the humanizing us
[00:47:33 –> 00:47:35] is helpful as well, at least I hope.
[00:47:37 –> 00:47:38] Yeah.
[00:47:38 –> 00:47:39] And you kind of addressed it in advance,
[00:47:39 –> 00:47:41] but I do think there’s still like a sense,
[00:47:41 –> 00:47:43] like, an insecurity of like,
[00:47:43 –> 00:47:45] I just don’t want this to come off as whiny, you know?
[00:47:46 –> 00:47:48] I don’t, maybe hopefully it didn’t.
[00:47:48 –> 00:47:50] But also, you know, I think we do this,
[00:47:50 –> 00:47:51] we offer this hopefully to people
[00:47:51 –> 00:47:53] who maybe, you know, again, are in their vocation
[00:47:53 –> 00:47:57] and it’s like, yeah,
[00:47:57 –> 00:47:59] or who are trying to be generous to the Lord,
[00:47:59 –> 00:48:00] and whatever that looks like.
[00:48:00 –> 00:48:03] And they’re like, “Man, this is a lot. This is kinda hard.
[00:48:03 –> 00:48:07] And it’s like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is.”
[00:48:07 –> 00:48:08] And that’s okay, you know?
[00:48:09 –> 00:48:11] And yeah, I think this is our own version
[00:48:11 –> 00:48:13] of being open to life.
[00:48:14 –> 00:48:19] And sometimes, sometimes we’re just limited men,
[00:48:19 –> 00:48:22] open to life, trying our best, trusting in the Lord.
[00:48:26 –> 00:48:26] And everything you just said,
[00:48:26 –> 00:48:29] that’s why I don’t think it comes across as whiny,
[00:48:29 –> 00:48:30] I don’t think it does.
[00:48:33 –> 00:48:36] So encourage your pastors today if you can,
[00:48:36 –> 00:48:39] and your parents and the other parents
[00:48:39 –> 00:48:42] with a lot of whatever who are stretched and all that stuff.
[00:48:43 –> 00:48:47] And God is good and He is it all.
[00:48:48 –> 00:48:49] Hmm-mm.
[00:48:49 –> 00:48:51] Amen. All right.
[00:48:54 –> 00:48:56] Have both of you guys already prayed today?
[00:48:58 –> 00:48:59] I think so. I think it might be you, bro.
[00:48:59 –> 00:49:00] All right, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, amen.
[00:49:00 –> 00:49:03] Thank You, Jesus, for the gift of Your Fatherhood.
[00:49:03 –> 00:49:04] Thank You for the gift of sharing in Your Fatherhood
[00:49:04 –> 00:49:06] in some small way.
[00:49:06 –> 00:49:11] Thank You, Jesus, for the invitation to give ourselves,
[00:49:11 –> 00:49:13] to be stretched, to be given,
[00:49:14 –> 00:49:17] to live our priesthood at the altar
[00:49:17 –> 00:49:21] and also just wherever You call us to
[00:49:21 –> 00:49:23] by reiterating to God’s people
[00:49:23 –> 00:49:26] that this is our body given for them.
[00:49:26 –> 00:49:29] And may we continue to have generous hearts
[00:49:29 –> 00:49:29] that continue to be stretched
[00:49:29 –> 00:49:31] and filled by Your goodness and Your grace,
[00:49:31 –> 00:49:35] and may our limitation not be an obstacle
[00:49:35 –> 00:49:37] to Your plan and Your work,
[00:49:37 –> 00:49:40] but be a place where You can enter in
[00:49:41 –> 00:49:43] and do Your best work and be glorified.
[00:49:45 –> 00:49:48] And give us discernment, courage, and prudence
[00:49:49 –> 00:49:53] as we seek to lead and to guide with Your own heart.
[00:49:55 –> 00:49:56] In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
[00:49:56 –> 00:49:57] Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
[00:49:57 –> 00:49:58] Amen.
[00:50:00 –> 00:50:02] All right. Anything?
[00:50:02 –> 00:50:03] Nope.
[00:50:03 –> 00:50:04] Nope.
[00:50:04 –> 00:50:06] All right. We’ll see you all next week.
[00:50:06 –> 00:50:07] Thanks, everybody. – Peace.
[00:50:07 –> 00:50:11] (singer singing in Spanish)
[00:50:11 –> 00:50:12] ♪ And you know that’s who we are ♪